Don't Eat Me!
by sweetmissbean
Summary: The pirates in the bone cages argue who among them will be the Pelagostos' next dinner guest. Contains numerous shameless puns on cannibalism.


**Title: Don't Eat Me!**

Black Pearl Prompt: **Recrimination** - to accuse in return, to counter one accusation with another

Summary: The pirates in the bone cages argue who among them will be the Pelagostos' next dinner guest.

Contains numerous shameless puns on cannibalism.

-/-

Gibbs had been staring aimlessly forward watching clouds drift carelessly across the blue sky and emerald waves rippling the horizon. Singing sea birds glided inland on the ocean's thermal drafts to disappear into the silken mists that rose off the ravine floor far below his feet.

The island was stunning, a vision of Heaven, but a blatant mockery of his current situation, so bleak and desolate. It was astounding to him how a place of such beauty could be so predatory, even the birds seemed to taunt him by occasionally flying up and nibbling on his toes - as if this island needed any more carnivorous occupants. It seemed that everything that moved in this place wanted a piece of him.

The crew had been at each other's throats with tempers increasing as their numbers decreased, each man facing the grim possibility that he may be next. Gibbs sat in silence, trying to detach himself from his and the others likely discouraging fate, when gust off the sea shifted the cage he sat in and his focus left the horizon and set on a femur in front of him.

"Stuart," He said absently.

"What?"

"I think this is...er, _was_... Stuart."

Marty craned his neck to look around Gibbs. "Yep, that be him. I'd recognize those skinny legs anywhere."

"Jus' thinkin'bout Stu makes my innards sick," Leonard said mournfully.

"Aye, the fate that fell upon our good ol' Stu is just not fittin'... cooked and eaten... jus' not right any way you slice it."

"Better Stu then me!" Leech hollered from his bone cage.

"Take back what yeh said or I'll make ya choke on yer words!" Marty threatened, leaping to the side of the cage to shout at Leech.

"Stop rockin' it," Leonard croaked as the motion of the shaking cage and talk of his now digested crewmate made him gag.

Gibbs reached up and pulled Marty down by a foot. "Easy, lad. He's only sayin' what we all be thinkin'. None of us want to be invited to _that_ banquet, let alone be the special guest."

Marty gave Gibbs a glare and plunked down on his bottom with his arms crossed. "I jus' miss Stu is all."

Gibbs nodded. "He was always a gristly bloke. I hope the Pelagostos had a time of picking bits of Stu outta their teeth."

Leonard gagged and braced the bone enclosure as his head began to spin. "Hard to believe I liked this place when we got here," he moaned.

"The villagers were friendly, especially the women... you know, at the start of things," Tai Long said, concurring with Leonard's initial thoughts of the island.

"And that feast!" Marty mused. "Wow. That food was great. Spicy. Had bite to it."

"Spiced food... heh. It was after that feast that they started biting in to us," Gibbs grunted.

"Whatdoya mean by that?"

"When feedin' us that spicy food, they were actually addin' some seasoning to their next meal." Gibbs motioned to both cages. "Us," he clarified.

"They did it in order to make you taste better than you smell!" Leech shouted over, insulting Marty again.

The talk of eating returned Gibbs' thoughts back to Stu. "He wasn't the most cooperative at times. Miserable, prone to argue, but tough, ol' Stu was... let's pray he didn't agree with the tribe's gullets and bound them up right proper."

Marty's face twisted with disgust. "Puts a new spin on having guests fer dinner."

"And serving your fellow man," Leech threw in sarcastically, earning himself a sneer from the still cross Marty.

"Whodathought it could be so literal," Gibbs signed and rested his forehead on Stu's leg.

Leonard lost it then and heaved his stomach contents out the side of the cage to the ravine below.

Gibbs shifted and gave Leonard a sympathetic pat on the back. "Might not want to loose yer last meal when you might end up being their next," he said ominously.

All the men became deathly quiet in response. For several long minutes the only sounds that could be heard were distant gulls, Leonard's heaving, and the eerie creaking of the cages swaying slowly in the breeze.

"Who do you think they will eat next?" Tai Long asked, voicing the question that was morbidly consuming all the men in the cages.

"Shoulda let 'em eat the bloody parrot," Leonard groaned, pushing himself into a sitting position and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

Cotton's responded by opening his mouth and wagging the stump of his tongue, the sight of which caused Leonard to gag again.

Gibbs shook his head. "The meat on that scrawny feather duster would barely suffice as an appetizer."

"If not the bird, you then!" Tai Long spat at Cotton, sounding childish when he did.

"Yep, sounds good to me. At least we won't be hearin' yeh scream like we had to when they cooked Stu," Marty said, reaching over Gibbs to clutch Stu's sun-bleached femur.

Cotton was a mute, but not defenseless against a verbal attack. In retaliation, he pressed a finger to close one nostril and assaulted the short man with a well-aimed shot of snot.

Marty took a direct hit.

"I'm gettin' really fed up with you!" He shouted, rolling up his sleeves and preparing to take the mute on.

"Surely he hates yer guts as well! I know I do!" Leech called over, adding his unwanted two cents.

Marty leapt to the side of the cage again, causing it to shake and Leonard to retch, his face red with anger. "Shut it and stop yer chewin' on me!"

"Would you prefer the Pelagosto chewin' on ya!" Leech countered and his bone cage erupted in laughter.

"That was not in good taste," Tai Long muttered.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, annoyed by the bickering. "Stop arguin' amongst yerselves! We need to keep our heads about us," he scolded and went back to staring at the distant horizon.

He was only granted a moment of peace.

"OUCH! Hey! What in blazes was that fer!" Gibbs shouted after being pinched in the side. He spun around sharply and found the others in his cage staring at him in a way he definitely didn't like.

"Yer the biggest one of us left," Tai Long said matter of factly.

"Meaning what, exactly?" Gibbs snapped indignantly.

"Meaning there be more of you to go around," Marty answered, giving Gibbs's midsection a hard poke.

"Ooh-hoo!" Gibbs' face dropped for a second with surprise and insult before twisting with irritation. He sprung to his feet and grabbed Marty up by the shirtfront. "Yer the perfect size for roastin' on a spit! A right scrumptious lil' treat!"

"And fer the rest of ya," Gibbs continued, using Marty to point at each man as he ranted, "add a bushel of potatoes and onions and skewer you lot with a stick up yer collective arses and the Pelagosto's will have themselves a mighty tasty pirate-ka-bob, ye squabblin', crusty, chicken-headed flounders!"

For a heartbeat, no one moved, only stared with venom. Then Gibbs was taken down flat by a wave of angry pirates with intent to do the Pelagosto a favor by tenderizing him their fists. The concentrated attack on their first mate quickly evolved into a free for all and the suspended bone cage looked like a ball of yarn being batted by a kitten as the men fought loudly with each other.

"Quiet! They are coming! They are coming!" Leech shouted the alarm.

Everyone in the cage froze where they were, tense and worry-stricken, Cotton still had Gibbs' ear between his teeth. From beyond the cliff ledge above them came the excited voices of a group of Pelagosto warriors. When a tug from above jostled the cage they were in, Gibbs, Cotton, Marty, Tai Long, and Leonard all panicked, clutching the man beside them and praying.

Spared, this time, Leech glared deep into Marty's eyes and said without apology, "Looks like yer invited to join Stu's pot."

Marty was too scared to retort and, as with the others in his cage, his fear grew as they ascended. It wasn't until a man yelled in English that they realized someone was being added to the cage instead of being removed.

"Who is it?" Leech called over.

"Dunno, can't see!" Gibbs answered.

"Hoist me up, hoist me up," Marty told Gibbs and Cotton.

They lifted him to the top and after the cage jerked upward a few more times, Marty caught the sight of Will Turner bound to a pole by his hands and feet. "It's... _Turner?"_

Marty was lowered back down and a silence fell over the men in both cages as their collected thoughts of just how and why Turner was on the island quickly progressed to a far more pressing question: would they eat him first?

"A bit wiry..." Tai Long commented quietly.

Gibbs nodded in agreement. "Aye, but seeing how he be years younger than any of us, they'll see him as the most tender."


End file.
